Saturday, July 17, 2010

Mime in an invisible box.

WOW… for the first time I understand the frustration so many of our clients feel when they become homeless. I am in a shelter with the highest percentage of purely NASTY people I have ever met. The staff is great and generally displays the same profile mix as most of the other places I have visited. The shelter is small under 20clients… probably more than 1/3 displaying BPD (borderline personality disorder) traits. These women are self- absorbed, arrogant, angry, loud (constant screaming, name calling and swearing),confrontational bullies. This phenomenon deserves a study of its own… and I am not the person to do it. Apparently, this is the best place (homeless shelter) to stay in this city… so I am trapped in that regard.
We are required by house rules to remain silent and not engage in verbal altercations. Those of you who have known me, know that I do not seek out confrontation, yet twice in the past week I was forced into conflict to defend people who could not defend themselves from these shrews. This resulted in a minor reprimand from staff, given the obvious provocation I was not evicted. However I am very annoyed with myself for not finding another option.
Another frustration is that any kind of move requires funds which I do not have at this moment. I spend long hours looking for a job…. unlike Calgary, even the low paying jobs in this part of the country are scarce. Because of bureaucratic issues regarding residency at this shelter I can’t just pop over to another province to see how it goes there.
I hope that by living this experience I will be able to develop some coping skills, which I will one day be able to share with my clients. I don’t think being trapped is a feeling exclusive to the homeless; some people get trapped by good paying jobs, mortgages, or lifestyles which need to be supported. The great joy of having little is it requires a minimum of sacrifice to change your life in whatever direction you want to try next. It is those with much and those with nothing who get TRAPPED in their lives. This is the first time, both in my life and on this journey that I have felt truly trapped… and I hope to turn it into a growth experience. Anyway I’ll let you all know how that turns out. Have a joyous day.
P.S. still got the old internet stick picking up a signal… now it comes out of the USB port in two pieces lol.

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