July 8,2009
It was a rainy horrible day, again. I'm grateful to be in a shelter that allows us to access our rooms all day...most days. On Thursday we are locked out for a few hours to allow for maintenance. The mission sleeps about 150 maybe and they are out except for meals. The rooms upstairs are open 24hrs to the best of my knowledge. Those are reserved for clients attending the mission's Christian based recovery program. During a brief morning outing to "breakfast club" at the Lutheran church about 14 blocks from here, I came across a newspaper article. It was about the Tory backbenchers being all pissy over tourism promotional dollars being given to Toronto's Gay pride week organizers. If Harper's government had done any research they would have discovered that "Gay Pride" initiative bring more revenue into a city then any other festivals. The minister in question (forgot her name) should be applauded for a job well done... she was appointed to diligently administer a fund, NOT BE THE MORALITY POLICE FOR A BUNCH OF VICTORIAN MINDED NEANDERTHALS.
What does this have to do with homelessness you are thinking. Two things the obvious being accepting other without judgement. I have found that when we get self-righteous or judgmental or insensitive toward our fellow man, God has a way of stepping in to teach us a little humility and understanding. So for your own sake take Johnny Cash's advice and,"Try a Little Kindness".
The other thing about this article was it mentioned something about traditional family values. How long do we have to be doing something before it becomes a tradition? And whose traditions. We see very few Chinese or Japanese in homeless shelters, because it is their tradition to take care of their family members. Three and even four generations in a single home. As recently as 100 years ago in Canada, families worked together and lived together in multi-generational households. A woman raised her children, helped them raise their's, then when she was old those children took care of her. I'm not saying we should go backwards... quite the contrary I say embrace social evolution and find solutions that work for today. I'm just saying if you are going to pretend to believe in traditional family values go all the way, yank grandma out of that nursing home (or homeless shelter) and put her up in a cozy little room at your place. Then step aside and let the evolution go on without you. Let the gays marry / divorce and have an equal opportunity to be as miserable as the rest of society.
Wednesday, July 8, 2009
Tuesday, July 7, 2009
commitment
July 7, 2009
Thanks for visiting the site, you really don't know how much it means to me. Now that my money is gone, someone (with only my best interests at heart) has tried to convince me to end my journey. Go home, go back to a job that was killing me slowly and lead a sensible life. The temptation is certainly there, but call it instinct, or insanity, I just know that seeing this through I'll write my book and find the home (and job) I seek. And ultimately I will improve the homeless situation in Canada, if only by helping the civilian population to have a more realistic view of the homeless and their daily struggles. One of the gentlemen I worked with at SunAlta asked the question, "What if you find out that the homeless are all a bunch of lazy bums who don't deserve any help? and there is a backlash from your book." I told him I can only tell the truth... the truth will always lead to the right result. If my findings lead to bed closures then that is what is the right result. I am a huge believer in the value of truth. What I call living authentically. Being true to our spirit and our words keeps on the path to our destiny. This is where we meet the people we are meant to teach and/or are meant to teach us. This is where we find the lessons that enrich and enlighten us. For the next two years this is my path I don't know where it will lead, I only know that it will take me where I am meant to be.
Since my Louis Leaky reference is lost on most people I have started to explain my motivation like this. Think of homelessness as if it was a house (ironic I know) in the middle of a block. Many people pass by without much noticing it is there, others notice but don't give it much thought. As social workers we are looking in through the windows, some of us are happy with one perspective; others care enough to walk around the outside of the house peering in every window, to get every possible vantage point. Even then there are hidden corners, views obscured by angles, and sounds muted by the window glass. The only way to get a true picture is to go inside the house and walk around, spend some time and look at it from every angle in every room. I have no idea what I will find looking at this situation from the inside. But I know it is time someone took a serious, unbiased, and intimate look at homelessness in Canada...and I guess that would be me.
Thanks for visiting the site, you really don't know how much it means to me. Now that my money is gone, someone (with only my best interests at heart) has tried to convince me to end my journey. Go home, go back to a job that was killing me slowly and lead a sensible life. The temptation is certainly there, but call it instinct, or insanity, I just know that seeing this through I'll write my book and find the home (and job) I seek. And ultimately I will improve the homeless situation in Canada, if only by helping the civilian population to have a more realistic view of the homeless and their daily struggles. One of the gentlemen I worked with at SunAlta asked the question, "What if you find out that the homeless are all a bunch of lazy bums who don't deserve any help? and there is a backlash from your book." I told him I can only tell the truth... the truth will always lead to the right result. If my findings lead to bed closures then that is what is the right result. I am a huge believer in the value of truth. What I call living authentically. Being true to our spirit and our words keeps on the path to our destiny. This is where we meet the people we are meant to teach and/or are meant to teach us. This is where we find the lessons that enrich and enlighten us. For the next two years this is my path I don't know where it will lead, I only know that it will take me where I am meant to be.
Since my Louis Leaky reference is lost on most people I have started to explain my motivation like this. Think of homelessness as if it was a house (ironic I know) in the middle of a block. Many people pass by without much noticing it is there, others notice but don't give it much thought. As social workers we are looking in through the windows, some of us are happy with one perspective; others care enough to walk around the outside of the house peering in every window, to get every possible vantage point. Even then there are hidden corners, views obscured by angles, and sounds muted by the window glass. The only way to get a true picture is to go inside the house and walk around, spend some time and look at it from every angle in every room. I have no idea what I will find looking at this situation from the inside. But I know it is time someone took a serious, unbiased, and intimate look at homelessness in Canada...and I guess that would be me.
On my list of bad ideas
July 6,2009
Well to begin with the weather took a turn for the worse, preempting any foolish plans I had for outdoor drying of laundry. Thinking about it in the light of day I realized that 1/ the fence is probably dirty and 2/the parks inhabitants would probably be grabbing anything they thought would fit. Now if I got a gun and shot a few I'd likely get fined for hunting homeless out of season... or at the very least illegal baiting of homeless.
The lady who was going to take me to the day labour office came down with a sore throat so we couldn't go. Just as well since we have an elderly lady with dementia who kept dropping by our room all night to visit my room-mate. So I was blessed with maybe (cumulatively) 3 hours sleep. Can't get to mad at her, poor thing really has no idea what she is doing.
Tired of being broke I took my tarot cards downtown, but still didn't have the nerve to solicit anyone. I was talking with a young woman about my dilemma and she suggested a particular park the has a lot of foot traffic. Maybe when the weather gets nice again I'll give that a try. Had lunch at the mission where my friend Craige said he wanted to marry me LOL. It's a step up from the offers I was getting at my last port-o-call. I stopped at the clothing depot and was able to pick-up a clean change of clothes. It will be 2-3 days before I can do laundry. To book an appointment I have to be at the drop-in by 6:30 tomorrow morning. Speaking of which I should grab what sleep I can before visitation start again. good night everyone..;-)
Well to begin with the weather took a turn for the worse, preempting any foolish plans I had for outdoor drying of laundry. Thinking about it in the light of day I realized that 1/ the fence is probably dirty and 2/the parks inhabitants would probably be grabbing anything they thought would fit. Now if I got a gun and shot a few I'd likely get fined for hunting homeless out of season... or at the very least illegal baiting of homeless.
The lady who was going to take me to the day labour office came down with a sore throat so we couldn't go. Just as well since we have an elderly lady with dementia who kept dropping by our room all night to visit my room-mate. So I was blessed with maybe (cumulatively) 3 hours sleep. Can't get to mad at her, poor thing really has no idea what she is doing.
Tired of being broke I took my tarot cards downtown, but still didn't have the nerve to solicit anyone. I was talking with a young woman about my dilemma and she suggested a particular park the has a lot of foot traffic. Maybe when the weather gets nice again I'll give that a try. Had lunch at the mission where my friend Craige said he wanted to marry me LOL. It's a step up from the offers I was getting at my last port-o-call. I stopped at the clothing depot and was able to pick-up a clean change of clothes. It will be 2-3 days before I can do laundry. To book an appointment I have to be at the drop-in by 6:30 tomorrow morning. Speaking of which I should grab what sleep I can before visitation start again. good night everyone..;-)
Sunday, July 5, 2009
Life is for Living
July 5,2009
What a beautiful day, perfect weather for shorts. Which is significant because the only thing I have left to wear is a pair of shorts. Normally I prefer not to appear in public wearing short and I am sure the public prefers that too LOL. We have 50-60 women, 3 washing machine and only 1 working dryer, a delemia which plagued us at SunAlta often. There however we had the good sense to shut the correspoding washer so wet laundry wasn't backing up all over the place. Across the street is a little park (a dozen or so young people campout there on nice nights) with a small wooden fence at the one perimiter. It is my intention weather permitting to wash my clothes and hang them on that fence to dry shouldn't take too long. Tomorrow afternoon I am spending some time with an artist friend from the mission. Maybe that will be in tomorrow's blog.
This morning I was seated across the table from a man who made the mistake of saying, "I don't deserve to be here I'm not like the rest of these people...I didn't do this to myself." So I took the time to explain why that statement was just WRONG on so many levels. Then I patiently listened to his story...He is 58 years old, 3 years ago his retirement savings were stolen by his broker. He never married, his family has passed on. He spun into a depression and lost everything else over time. Because he doesn't drink or use drugs he doesn't belong in a shelter. He is still looking back, resenting his loss and compounding that loss, by sacrifice precious (irretreivable) moments of his life nurturing his anger. I can empathize with his situation, to wake up and find the life you thought you had in shambles; the future you planned wiped out, through no fault of your own. I felt exactly that way about my second divorce. I remember when my youngest daughter said to me "Mommy, God never gives you more then you can handle". My response was ,"I wish He had a little less confidence in me." What I learned from that experience was to live in the now, plan for the future but live in the now...it is the only thing we can control. Every moment is precious because it can't be saved. We must spend each and every one as it comes to us. We can choose to spend it wisely or poorly but either way it must be spent. While we are on this subject I'll let you in on a little secret. Happiness is a choice, we can't always choose the circumstances of a given situation but from one moment to the next we can choose what we feel. When something sad happens I take a moment to embrace my feelings of sadness, but I refuse to hold on to that saddness. And take joy in the next small pleasure that crosses my path. The sun's warmth, a breeze caressing my face, a stranger's smile, a child's laugh, or simply drawing breath. Because with each new breath comes is a new opportunity to enjoy life.
What a beautiful day, perfect weather for shorts. Which is significant because the only thing I have left to wear is a pair of shorts. Normally I prefer not to appear in public wearing short and I am sure the public prefers that too LOL. We have 50-60 women, 3 washing machine and only 1 working dryer, a delemia which plagued us at SunAlta often. There however we had the good sense to shut the correspoding washer so wet laundry wasn't backing up all over the place. Across the street is a little park (a dozen or so young people campout there on nice nights) with a small wooden fence at the one perimiter. It is my intention weather permitting to wash my clothes and hang them on that fence to dry shouldn't take too long. Tomorrow afternoon I am spending some time with an artist friend from the mission. Maybe that will be in tomorrow's blog.
This morning I was seated across the table from a man who made the mistake of saying, "I don't deserve to be here I'm not like the rest of these people...I didn't do this to myself." So I took the time to explain why that statement was just WRONG on so many levels. Then I patiently listened to his story...He is 58 years old, 3 years ago his retirement savings were stolen by his broker. He never married, his family has passed on. He spun into a depression and lost everything else over time. Because he doesn't drink or use drugs he doesn't belong in a shelter. He is still looking back, resenting his loss and compounding that loss, by sacrifice precious (irretreivable) moments of his life nurturing his anger. I can empathize with his situation, to wake up and find the life you thought you had in shambles; the future you planned wiped out, through no fault of your own. I felt exactly that way about my second divorce. I remember when my youngest daughter said to me "Mommy, God never gives you more then you can handle". My response was ,"I wish He had a little less confidence in me." What I learned from that experience was to live in the now, plan for the future but live in the now...it is the only thing we can control. Every moment is precious because it can't be saved. We must spend each and every one as it comes to us. We can choose to spend it wisely or poorly but either way it must be spent. While we are on this subject I'll let you in on a little secret. Happiness is a choice, we can't always choose the circumstances of a given situation but from one moment to the next we can choose what we feel. When something sad happens I take a moment to embrace my feelings of sadness, but I refuse to hold on to that saddness. And take joy in the next small pleasure that crosses my path. The sun's warmth, a breeze caressing my face, a stranger's smile, a child's laugh, or simply drawing breath. Because with each new breath comes is a new opportunity to enjoy life.
Saturday, July 4, 2009
Memories of Hank Williams
July 4,2009
Happy Insurrection Day to all my American friends LOL. That said my twitter addiction is out of control. I may have to seek out a 12 step program...Partly it is really fun. I know John Larroquette isn't going to respond to my texts, but his and other peoples comments are interesting and funny. Some people do nothing but peddle, so after a while I take them off. And I remove the porn right away. It is always some naked young woman...if it was some hot half dress young Native man I would do the same..maybe..I'm thinking.
I am surprised to find myself struggling with a bit of depression. It can get somewhat lonesome out here, not for lack of people. But for a lack of connections with anybody. I can't really be up front with everyone I meet because I want to be treated just like everyone else in the homeless population. Went to brunch with a student I met from McKewn, Laura is a charming girl with her whole world ahead of her. We met a very bright young man at brunch today...we had a marvelous conversation about religion, recovery and such things. These conversations are rare and treasured. Research, indicates that excessive drug and alcohol use stunts emotion and social growth. Many street people started down this road as adolescent and are stuck in a 7th grade mindset. Now you throw in the schizophrenics, manic-depressives, and senile. You can see why it might be difficult to find good conversation. Also the place where I'm staying has alot of (understandably) just bitter women and this entire mix is PMSing at the same time LOL. I hang out alone with my computer when I have to be inside. But thank you all for visiting the blog site, as the numbers on the hit counter go up, I feel less alone out here.
Happy Insurrection Day to all my American friends LOL. That said my twitter addiction is out of control. I may have to seek out a 12 step program...Partly it is really fun. I know John Larroquette isn't going to respond to my texts, but his and other peoples comments are interesting and funny. Some people do nothing but peddle, so after a while I take them off. And I remove the porn right away. It is always some naked young woman...if it was some hot half dress young Native man I would do the same..maybe..I'm thinking.
I am surprised to find myself struggling with a bit of depression. It can get somewhat lonesome out here, not for lack of people. But for a lack of connections with anybody. I can't really be up front with everyone I meet because I want to be treated just like everyone else in the homeless population. Went to brunch with a student I met from McKewn, Laura is a charming girl with her whole world ahead of her. We met a very bright young man at brunch today...we had a marvelous conversation about religion, recovery and such things. These conversations are rare and treasured. Research, indicates that excessive drug and alcohol use stunts emotion and social growth. Many street people started down this road as adolescent and are stuck in a 7th grade mindset. Now you throw in the schizophrenics, manic-depressives, and senile. You can see why it might be difficult to find good conversation. Also the place where I'm staying has alot of (understandably) just bitter women and this entire mix is PMSing at the same time LOL. I hang out alone with my computer when I have to be inside. But thank you all for visiting the blog site, as the numbers on the hit counter go up, I feel less alone out here.
Thursday, July 2, 2009
Generousity
July 2, 2009
Today I want to talk about generousity... While I am living homeless, can only carry 1 each; tank, short-sleeve, long sleeved t-shirts, 1 each jeans, shorts, Capri's. Four underwear 2 bras 4 pair of socks. 1 hoodie, 1 top coat and 1 windbreaker. Last week my daughter phoned to say her friend will be visiting in this city and wants to take me out to a nice dinner. Awk, nothing to wear...LITERALLY. I've been checking the clothing depots all week. Money is tight, so even the thrift shop is out. But one keeps checking back, because donations come in every day. This afternoon I was chatting with a young worker at the drop-in and mentioned that I was killing time til the clothing depot opened across the street, because I was still trying to find a dress. Several minutes later I came out of the washroom and this lovely middle-aged Native woman stopped me. She asked, "Do you wear dresses?". I told her yes that I just happen to be looking for a dress. She said,"I don't wear this any more I hope it fits you." We introduced ourselves, and I thanked my sister Flora for her generousity. I am quite sure Flora does wear that dress, when everything you own must fit into a 2' x 2' locker you don't have anything you don't need or use.
Altruism is by definition giving without self interest in any form, by that definition even Mother Theresa wasn't altruistic. The two years that I am giving up of my life for Angels of the Road, isn't altruistic, I expect to learn enough out here to make me a better and more credible advocate for my homeless clients. I'm in it for the education. Mother Theresa was in it to please God. Altruism or true generousity is not a personality trait, it is an event. A moment in time and space when a perceived need is met by a perceive ability to satisfy that need. Flora saw my need, and she believed that in that moment she had the power to fulfill my need. I gratefully accepted the gift because there is a joy of the heart that comes from being able to give. And that moment of joy should not be denied to anyone, no matter how poor. My altruism comes not in the fact that I am making this journey but in all the moments in which I can reach out to those around me, with a kind word, a hug, or a smoke. Spreading the "sunshine that is Bonny" as we jokingly referred to it at the D.I.
Today I want to talk about generousity... While I am living homeless, can only carry 1 each; tank, short-sleeve, long sleeved t-shirts, 1 each jeans, shorts, Capri's. Four underwear 2 bras 4 pair of socks. 1 hoodie, 1 top coat and 1 windbreaker. Last week my daughter phoned to say her friend will be visiting in this city and wants to take me out to a nice dinner. Awk, nothing to wear...LITERALLY. I've been checking the clothing depots all week. Money is tight, so even the thrift shop is out. But one keeps checking back, because donations come in every day. This afternoon I was chatting with a young worker at the drop-in and mentioned that I was killing time til the clothing depot opened across the street, because I was still trying to find a dress. Several minutes later I came out of the washroom and this lovely middle-aged Native woman stopped me. She asked, "Do you wear dresses?". I told her yes that I just happen to be looking for a dress. She said,"I don't wear this any more I hope it fits you." We introduced ourselves, and I thanked my sister Flora for her generousity. I am quite sure Flora does wear that dress, when everything you own must fit into a 2' x 2' locker you don't have anything you don't need or use.
Altruism is by definition giving without self interest in any form, by that definition even Mother Theresa wasn't altruistic. The two years that I am giving up of my life for Angels of the Road, isn't altruistic, I expect to learn enough out here to make me a better and more credible advocate for my homeless clients. I'm in it for the education. Mother Theresa was in it to please God. Altruism or true generousity is not a personality trait, it is an event. A moment in time and space when a perceived need is met by a perceive ability to satisfy that need. Flora saw my need, and she believed that in that moment she had the power to fulfill my need. I gratefully accepted the gift because there is a joy of the heart that comes from being able to give. And that moment of joy should not be denied to anyone, no matter how poor. My altruism comes not in the fact that I am making this journey but in all the moments in which I can reach out to those around me, with a kind word, a hug, or a smoke. Spreading the "sunshine that is Bonny" as we jokingly referred to it at the D.I.
Wednesday, July 1, 2009
"Miles to go before I sleep"
July 1,2009
Happy Canada Day to everyone. I'm sitting on my bed at the shelter trying desperately to stay awake until the fireworks tonight. My room is on the third floor facing the river, so if I'm lucky I should be able to see it all from here. Management has extended our 9 p.m. curfew to midnight, but I'm in way too much pain to go out again today. Some of the girls were going to a local park this afternoon, I thought it would be a good bonding experience to go with them. Turned out to be a very long walk (literally miles) and my poor old knees are punishing me for punishing them LOL.
The bottle pickers had a great day today, I guess summer can be very profitable with all the public events. The bottle pickers, binners and panhandlers have their preferred routes. These guys can be very territorial, so I am reluctant to employ any of those options when funds get low, wouldn't want to incur anyone's wrath. Not all homeless people are well adjusted middle-aged ladies. Some of these people are quite unstable, not to mention just plain cranky. To some extent living homeless is like living in the old west...pre law and order. This community does not get or expect the protection of the police; therefore they live by their own code and exact their own justice. I did promise my family and friends I would play safe. So I keep my interactions non-confrontational... besides I am here primarily to observe and learn. I do of coarse extend myself where ever I can... I am employing the same principle I used when I worked at the D.I. Any day I am here should be a little easier and a little more enjoyable than a day when I'm not. My role is simply to spread "the sunshine that is Bonny" LOL
Happy Canada Day to everyone. I'm sitting on my bed at the shelter trying desperately to stay awake until the fireworks tonight. My room is on the third floor facing the river, so if I'm lucky I should be able to see it all from here. Management has extended our 9 p.m. curfew to midnight, but I'm in way too much pain to go out again today. Some of the girls were going to a local park this afternoon, I thought it would be a good bonding experience to go with them. Turned out to be a very long walk (literally miles) and my poor old knees are punishing me for punishing them LOL.
The bottle pickers had a great day today, I guess summer can be very profitable with all the public events. The bottle pickers, binners and panhandlers have their preferred routes. These guys can be very territorial, so I am reluctant to employ any of those options when funds get low, wouldn't want to incur anyone's wrath. Not all homeless people are well adjusted middle-aged ladies. Some of these people are quite unstable, not to mention just plain cranky. To some extent living homeless is like living in the old west...pre law and order. This community does not get or expect the protection of the police; therefore they live by their own code and exact their own justice. I did promise my family and friends I would play safe. So I keep my interactions non-confrontational... besides I am here primarily to observe and learn. I do of coarse extend myself where ever I can... I am employing the same principle I used when I worked at the D.I. Any day I am here should be a little easier and a little more enjoyable than a day when I'm not. My role is simply to spread "the sunshine that is Bonny" LOL
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