Saturday, September 4, 2010

wrestling with the unknown

Another afternoon spent applying for jobs... I really would like to spend a few months getting to know Ottawa better, but that can only happen if I am able to find employment and a place to live. You see winter is a very busy time in the shelters and people are turned away for lack of space. I don't ever want to be taking a bed from someone else. Last winter I stayed at the Lookout Shelter in Vancouver during the Olympics. Because of the Games about 2/3 of the usual homeless population had retreated from the city. Some went to smaller communities, others were escorted to remand and/or jail. So for a few weeks there was shelter space, as people began returning to the DTES I moved to an SRO (what Roger Miller would have called "an 8x12 four-bit room"). Since I will have to be into a place (apartment or rooming house) within a month. It may be necessary to leave Ottawa, for a smaller less expensive community.
Every night I meditate for about 30 minutes (I guess Christians would call it praying) I intend (ask) for my heart and mind to be opened so I can know what I am to do next. To be alert to the signs and resist imposing my own desired outcomes. Life would be easier if god would just do the "burning bush" thingy. Sadly god doesn't shout and the whispers are sometimes very hard to hear. I'm finding that particularly true right now when the need for answers is so immediate. I can't get online with my service provider, but I am pretty sure my cell phone is going past due on the sixth...I can't even call to make a payment arrangement, because until I find a job there is no money to pay with.
What to do? Stay or go ...act, react...wait and hope....give-up... for now or forever???? Sometimes when I put things to "paper" or say them out loud I'll have a revelation... All will become clear... hmmmm........ hmmmm........ Nope nothing yet. I'll read this again later. see if maybe something will come to me then.
If you want to weigh in on this discussion feel free to leave a comment... I could use the help LOL. Think of it as e-brainstorming. Have a joyous day.

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