Happy New You.

           New Year like no other time, prompts us to self examination. We look at our life to date and ask what would we change… more importantly what can we change. How do we proceed to become a better person? Last month my discussion group was talking about self-love (sadly lacking for so many), one of the ladies suggested that to love oneself would necessarily exclude any desire to change or grow. I, for one, love myself and have for as far back as I can remember. One of the things I love best about me, is my insatiable thirst for knowledge; academic (book smarts as granny would call it) or experiential (street/life smarts, also granny). So I like most of you am taking an annual inventory of my life and I will make a list of all of the things I would change. What about myself or my life should I hold on to and what should I get rid of and what should I add to make me and my life better.  

It is important when making such lists to remember the prayer of serenity…
                   God grant me the serenity to accept the things I cannot change.
                   Courage to change the things I can and the
                   Wisdom to know the difference.

          I cannot effect the world beyond my touch, so an end to war, hunger, greed, fear and violence… are not topping my “to do” list. But I will do what I can, when I can in any given moment, to act against social injustice and poverty. There are so many important causes, I urge everyone to find one that speaks to your heart and do whatever you can to help forward their agenda. Trust me you will definitely grow from the experience ;-)
         That part of myself that believes in honour, humour & humanity…is irrefutably me and that will not change over time. No matter where I live or what is going on in my world I can’t imagine anything more important to my spirit than to be of service to others.
          So, for me I will hold onto my job with my wonderful little family… in spite of the early hours and modest pay, these people are such a joy to have in my life. Then there is my social work… (don’t get to spend as much time as I would like to) but that definitely stays. I want to volunteer more… it is so sporadic just now because my days off work are more often than not Tuesday & Thursday when Mission Services food-bank is closed. Perhaps I should find a similar position elsewhere on those Tuesdays & Thursdays, so I can volunteer somewhere at least once a week.  
        The one thing I want to add to my life is structure… I feel at loose end a lot of the time, kind of drifting from one day to the next. I work a few days a week and never know which will be my day off. As I say this perhaps, my schedule will have to be more of a checklist of things to be done in any given week. That would give me some structure with the flexibility to work around my job.
         So what are my New Year’s Resolutions
                                           1: Aquafit 2X weekly
                                           2: Volunteer 1X (minimum)
                                           3: Cook a full meal 1X weekly
                                           4: Take a class 1X weekly
                                           5: Write a blog 1X weekly
                                           6: Call an old friend 1X weekly
                                           7: Pottery / Paint 3X weekly

Wow I feel way better now that I’ve had a chance to sort that out… it doesn’t seem insurmountable …right? Lol. Have a 2012 filled with joy, peace & much love …    

Another Ghost of Christmas Past

When my father left, it was just before Christmas and just after the birth of my baby sister (she was the 6^th child for my parents).  My granny got on the phone and contacted every social agency and organization and church in an effort to ensure we would not be stranded without a Christmas. The spirit of the season and a lack of cross-referencing databases, made that year truly abundant. My young brother is a lifelong Maple Leafs fan because of a Leafs jersey which he received in that year when he was only 7. In those days fathers were seldom more than bread winners so Al’s absence from the kitchen table was barely noticed. A loss which was  more than made up for by 3 turkeys, 6 boxes of groceries and more gifts then any of us kids had ever seen. I’m sharing this story of my little brother, (now a middle-aged man; spending Saturday nights in a neighbourhood sports bar in Vancouver, cheering on the Leafs) to say we never know the level of impact an act of generousity will have. I imagine the people who donated that jersey have long forgotten... but my brother never will, and neither will I. 
Generousity abounds at Christmas and I love this season… my church announced a few weeks ago that we have “adopted a family” … the gifts have poured in for the family of 5 (we are a very small group never more than 40 at a service). This adopt a family idea has been done by private groups for more then half a century, that I know of. It has become very popular through community care agencies over the past few decades. Yehhhh…. Christmas!  What has always troubled me is that a family in need does not cease to be poor on January 5^th; so after Christmas then what?
When I was a child an organization called “the Travelers” had an adopt a family program, each member-family would adopt a needy- (insert whatever politically correct crap you prefer for that word) family. That family insured that every holiday their adoptees had a hamper of food and every child had a gift on their birthday … there would be chocolate bunnies at Easter and sometimes even tickets to a hockey game (local minor league) or a circus. We were adopted by the Muncasters of Thunder Bay… So thank you Mr. & Mrs. Muncaster , Diane and your brother Whatz-z-name. You set a good example and possibly had some small part in making me into the person I am today. Over the years I have frequently expressed dismay that this ongoing adoption model is not practiced today. It was explained to me Betty-Lou Souter (of Community Cares Niagara) that privacy issues would make the concept impossible.  I am happy to say my church is trying to disprove that theory. The care agency worker will act as a liaison between us and our family, so we can provide the niceties of life for this family years round. I would like to see us go past simple birthdays and special events to providing funds for school events, clubs, sports and summer camps. These are experiences every child should have at least once. Our family will call their worker with a request, eg: “Mikey’s class is going to the ROM and the trip cost $40”. The worker takes 2 minutes to email us with the info ( our contact info is in the families file) Then we take two minutes to email $40 to the worker and Mikey can go on his class trip. No privacy violations here just 10 minutes (collectively) out of lives of one case worker and a church secretary.
Anyway I hope everyone has a joyous holiday… keep this spirit of generousity and good will alive as you travel through 2011. The world is a better place with you in it, MERRY CHRISTMAS (insert your holiday of choice here ;-).

  

Accessorizing

Hope you had a chance to check out the new website and as you can see I've given the blog site a new look to co-ordinate. Among the changes I've made, is to activate a translator feature, given the many different countries that visit the blog site it seems only fair. So if anyone actually uses it please leave a comment card and let me know if it works ;-)
Have a joyous day.
Bonny 

New Website

After several format changes I'm really liking the new layout I put on last night, this could be the one ;-) Among the new features is a guestbook, so if you have suggestions, comments or words of encouragement, you have a place to express yourself. Also the home page will carry a thought of the day (or two days), short bits of wit and wisdom to be changed often.
This situation is an example of how obstacles become opportunities. Due to some miscommunication between myself and my service provider, my original website and all of its content was lost forever. Yes, I was angry and frustrated, but after a couple of days. I realized that much has changed since I first decide to make my journey of homelessness, I have changed and the website should change too.
I am more convinced then ever of the connectedness of humanity. Buddha said that we are, "all the same in our desire to experience joy and avoid suffering..." I have confirmed the truth of this among all the people I have known rich...poor and everything in between.
I am also more convinced then ever that, to have a real impact helping people move forward toward their own happiness, we need to connect with the individual. The work of agencies is important and will always be necessary. Even if we adopt affordable home ownership programs and get all the working poor out of the shelters; there will always be that 30% who are street people (drunks, druggies & drop-outs) who will need food and shelter; harm reduction as we call it in the industry.
 If you read my blog on happiness you will remember that the principles of happiness are pretty constant but the key to open a person's heart to allow happiness in, is as unique as the key to a house. So to effectively help someone move forward in their life we (professional social workers/life coaches) have to be willing to open ourselves up to building a personal connection with our clients.
As for everyone else, treat each other (friend or stranger) with kindness and respect. Do no harm and whenever possible, leave a situation better than you found it.
Have a joyous day. Remember to check out the new and still evolving Angels of the Road website.

Happiness is, a warm bunny…. in a nice stew.

Last week our discussion group asked the question, “Why are most people in our culture unhappy?”  This is a very complex issue because most people misunderstand the nature of happiness; most people think happiness is being in a good mood all the time. Happiness is not a mood... it is a state of being. A happy person can still feel a range of emotional responses. I am a happy person, I am angered by injustice, saddened by ignorance, proud of the young adults at Occupy sites, warmed by a baby’s laughter, frustrated by setbacks,  joyous in shared moments etc…etc…etc … in all this I remain a happy person. My granny used to say, “If you are happier than not, more often than not. Then you have a good life”. When we let go of the expectation that we must be in a good mood all the time, it will be easier to allow ourselves to achieve a state of happiness. Again money is not the source of or an impediment to happiness. Everyone has problems / challenges; for the poor these revolve around material matters and for the wealthy problems stem from ambiguity in relationships and emotional matters.
What is this state of being called HAPPINESS and how does one get there? O.K. let me give this a try. Happiness has three component parts…Peace of mind… Joy of life & Love of self.
Peace of mind is achieved by living guilt free and regret free. To do this first we need to do our very best in every moment. Whether we place first, last or in between, if we gave it our best there is nothing to apologize for. And never do or say anything you cannot own with pride.
Joy of life (or joie de la vie as the French say) is achieved mostly through gratitude. Be grateful for even the smallest things, when your mind is focusing on what is right in your life you have less time to fret about what is wrong. To once again share a folksy life lesson from my granny, “You don’t gotta look too far to find somebody worse off then you.” So if the only gratitude you can muster is being glad you are not them…start there.  Generosity also figures into this component, not just generosity with money, but be generous with your spirit. Treat everyone with kindness and respect and forgive easily.
Love of self… this is a rare thing because self love is often confused with ego or narcissism. In reality it is about accepting the good in yourself and forgiving your mistakes. Show yourself the same kindness and respect that I ask you to show your fellow man. As my Christian friend would say, “God doesn’t make mistakes…” You have a valuable purpose in this life. Find it, live it and be happy.
The above three are basic principles for happiness… the key to individual happiness is as unique as a key to a door, they may look the same but only one will actually successfully open the lock. I believe happiness is our natural state of being. If we are unhappy it is because something is blocking us, try to step outside yourself and look at your life objectively. How are you in conflict with these principles? If you can figure that out and make the necessary changes you will be able to find the key to your own personal happiness. If you are just starting your journey of self discovery (recovery) I recommend reading Don Miguel Ruiz’s books The Four Agreements and later released The Fifth Agreement. Have a joyous day my friends and we will talk again soon.     

OCCUPY Wall Street & Everywhere Else

Being a supporter of anti-poverty initiatives, it is about time I said a few words about the OCCUPY movement which has been sweeping across North America.  OCCUPY Wall Street / Everywhere Else … is the gentler, younger cousin of economically sparked political protests which plagued Europe over the past year. The growing rift between rich and poor is not news, it has been going on for decades … but this isn’t the 1950s… communism was a monumental failure and we really have no interest in burning down parliament ala Guy Fox. We require 21st century solutions to 21st century problems. 
The OCCUPY movement is a touchstone for everything that is wrong with our society. There are more than a hundred ways in which western culture needs to change for the better; and all of them are represented at these protests. The reactions are as varied as the causes… but the overall criticism of OCCUPY is that it has no manifesto and no real leaders. I guess it is kind of like building a tent city under the tower of Babel, everyone seems to be talking a different language. I won’t be addressing individual issues in this blog, nor will I address the individual criticisms of the movement.
Today I want to talk about the core message of OCCUPY which to paraphrase the movie “Wall Street” is simply “Greed is NOT good”.  That statement applies to poor and rich alike….I’ve known both in my life and everyone is being squeezed by the greed of others (individuals, corporation or governments). Unlike love and other elements of the human spirit, which are infinite and self-perpetuating; the material world is limited. To change policy and practices we must change as individuals. We must change our personal priorities in the following ways:
          We must define ourselves by the good we do,
                                         not by the goods we own.
          We must choose enough over excess.
          We must value people over property.
          We must exercise compassion toward others,
                                        not control of others.
          We must above all “Do NO harm”.
The only real way to change our culture is by changing as individuals. Once we intrinsically value ourselves, we will only need things for their usefulness and only take what we will actually use from the material world. Abandoning excess is not communism; each person’s need will differ. My life of luxury would be a bare necessity to someone else. Some families’ need 2 even 3 cars, some need 150 square feet to live in, while another needs a five bedroom house. I am sad for people who define themselves (and others) by the label on their butt or the Lexis in their driveway… they have fallen for the great lie that money buys happiness. Money is a tool... nothing more. It is not the source of or an impediment to happiness, and GREED IS NOT GOOD. A few years ago I was having coffee with my friend Lonewolf, who champions against oppression, exploitation and all manner of atrocities committed by mankind. He said to me, “that greed is at the root of all of it”. So I asked the question… "would it not be better to fight GREED?” Aristotle told us that it is man’s nature to choose good over evil, (all things being equal)… if each of us aspires to be the best person we can be; then we will have good people making decisions and shaping policy.
So if we truly want to change our society (and I don’t care how rich a person is, we ALL want this over burdened system to change) first change yourself. Adopt the five principles listed above. then OCCUPY every corner of the world with the message that GREED IS NOT GOOD…. Excess and control (of others) should been seen for what it is, an over-compensation for self-loathing, insecurity and fear.
Love yourself …you deserve it.  Reach out to others with kindness and respect (if not love). Let’s consciously move society to reflect the very best of human nature. Have a joyous day my friends.   

Thanks Giving

         As we all know Thanksgiving is a modern day version of the harvest festivals of olden days. A time when everyone from the surrounding countryside came together to thank the gods (eventually god) for a bountiful year. Sacrifices were made of produce and/or livestock, followed by feasting dancing and rejoicing. I guess if it was a bad crop-year people would just have to celebrate having survived the drought and/or locust. One could not forgo the ritual of thanks giving or the gods would not bless next year’s crops. And since the villagers had already stoned the person whom they believed offended the gods thus causing this year’s drought, there was a reasonable expectation next year would be better.
        Most families don’t have a “Walton’s Mountain” Thanksgiving…there is the stress of hosting, the need to put aside old hurts or just try to be civil with people we (wouldn’t cross the street to spit on but) happen to be related to. In my mother’s house such functions always ended with my aunt and my mother in a fight over who knows what.  Grandma always found something to criticize. Dad and my uncle would take a case of beer and hide in the backyard until it was time to eat. Nobody said grace and nobody was thankful. Such is no longer the case, for me at least, I don't always say grace but I am always thankful for my many blessings.
         I am grateful that in my little family, we all enjoy each other’s company. My kids are all smart and funny and when we all get together most or our time is spent in witty banter and joyous laughter. I am blessed with children I genuinely like…even if we weren’t related I would definitely want to be friends with them.
          I am grateful for the friends of my past who have stayed these many decades and remind me of the timelessness of love between friends. A bridge between then and now. I am grateful for new friends, the freshness of awakening to learning to know each other. Discovery of the strengths and weakness in each of us, complimenting and contrasting, brought to fullness over time.
         I am grateful for the freedom to live my life as I choose… in service to my street friends and with the support of my children. I am grateful to live in a country where we can speak out and fight openly for social justice, without fear of persecution. I am grateful for enough strength of mind, body and spirit to continue my work. Growing from the experience, knowing that challenges only bring us strength of will.
        I am grateful for my faith which grounds me through life’s ups and downs. I am also grateful to have found a church where I can connect and feel accepted. I am grateful to have found the beautiful little family whom I work for… I am grateful for my little apartment and my great neighbours… not so much for the bugs LOL.
        On a more basic level I am grateful for my amazing mind, which keeps me laughing at life, pondering perplexities, and singing to the ever present music rolling around in my head. I am grateful for the warmth of the sun, the smell of concrete after a rain, children laughing, and people who smile when I say, “how’s it goin” and rely, “any day above ground is a good day”.
         So for Thanksgiving 2011… I am making a resolution. Every day I will take a few minutes to be grateful for life and all that it brings … good and bad for this is what make me who I am. And with all honesty… I genuinely like me.  Have a joyous day my friends, Happy Thanks Giving.