A moment's peace

No... things in the shelter are still as hectic as ever. But at this moment I have some peace of heart again. While I haven't firmed anything up, my plans (intentions)have become clearer. So for the next couple of weeks I will spend some time getting to know the city of Ottawa. If I'm still unemployed and on my own after that I will move to Hamilton for the winter... not so much work in the shelter industry there but rents are cheaper and I'll be close to my youngest daughter.
I know there are places here in Ottawa where I would like to work when my Angels Journey comes to an end... but it does remain to be seen if the is the kind of city I would want to settle down in. I do love the Byward Market area and I have just returned from an evening walk there. I don't think I could afford a place in that neighbourhood, but fortunately it is right next door to the depressed area where the shelters are located. So the Market area is kinda my "next door" neighbourhood. I can't talk long tonight I'm on the communal computer... Take care of yourselves and have a joyous week.

Don't Judge Me !

Those of you who are regular followers will recall a "Conversation with Bilbo Baggins" in December of 2009. Bilbo aka Chris Stewart, is a volunteer at an Inn From the Cold program in B.C. Chris believed it was dishonest of me not to "out" myself as social worker/researcher/writer, before entering a shelter or program. I have always avoided this because as we all know, people behave differently when they know someone might be watching. Ottawa has been the exception, I have been completely open with staff, clients and potential employers about my journey. Initially this felt really good, but now I have encountered a flaw... Not everyone gets the whole story and rumors and distortions abound.
I was confronted by an angry client, who is of the impression that I am a wealthy author briefly pretending to be homeless as I research my next book. My sole motivation being fame and fortune LOL. I suppose I should be glad people aren't assuming I'm a discredited journalist who was canned for plagiarism, lost all my money to lawyers and an ex-husband... turning to drugs and ultimately ending up on the streets. Actually either of those scenarios sounds more interesting then the truth.
My first thought when she began her accusations was,"Who the hell are you to judge me, you don't know anything about me". It gives me pause to wonder how many times a day people pass a panhandler and make judgments about them or their situation, without any way of really knowing what is going on. Apparently this is also a big problem among social workers, thinking we can sum up a person's life, character and situation in a 5 min capsule. My friend often complained of this when he was staying in the shelter. I hope I was never like that and I'm sure I will not be like that in the future.
Up until I wrote this I wasn't sure about how to handle the situation with the rumors... I think I will just let it go. If anyone wants to know the truth they can come and ask, I will happily share everything.
Right now I have more important things weighing on my mind...(for details see yesterday's blog)I am still struggling with all those issues. I have always said money is neither the source of happiness or unhappiness...it is just a tool. But it is a necessary tool in our society and it frees the mind for other more important pursuits. So I guess I will have to assume the job is first priority and every other decision will hing on how that works out. One step forward woo-hoo.... unless I rethink that later LOL. Have a joyous day.

wrestling with the unknown

Another afternoon spent applying for jobs... I really would like to spend a few months getting to know Ottawa better, but that can only happen if I am able to find employment and a place to live. You see winter is a very busy time in the shelters and people are turned away for lack of space. I don't ever want to be taking a bed from someone else. Last winter I stayed at the Lookout Shelter in Vancouver during the Olympics. Because of the Games about 2/3 of the usual homeless population had retreated from the city. Some went to smaller communities, others were escorted to remand and/or jail. So for a few weeks there was shelter space, as people began returning to the DTES I moved to an SRO (what Roger Miller would have called "an 8x12 four-bit room"). Since I will have to be into a place (apartment or rooming house) within a month. It may be necessary to leave Ottawa, for a smaller less expensive community.
Every night I meditate for about 30 minutes (I guess Christians would call it praying) I intend (ask) for my heart and mind to be opened so I can know what I am to do next. To be alert to the signs and resist imposing my own desired outcomes. Life would be easier if god would just do the "burning bush" thingy. Sadly god doesn't shout and the whispers are sometimes very hard to hear. I'm finding that particularly true right now when the need for answers is so immediate. I can't get online with my service provider, but I am pretty sure my cell phone is going past due on the sixth...I can't even call to make a payment arrangement, because until I find a job there is no money to pay with.
What to do? Stay or go ...act, react...wait and hope....give-up... for now or forever???? Sometimes when I put things to "paper" or say them out loud I'll have a revelation... All will become clear... hmmmm........ hmmmm........ Nope nothing yet. I'll read this again later. see if maybe something will come to me then.
If you want to weigh in on this discussion feel free to leave a comment... I could use the help LOL. Think of it as e-brainstorming. Have a joyous day.

lost & found

Yesterday I wrote a post which I am happy to say I did not publish. It was uncharacteristically whiny. I had misplaced my earrings, including a little winged crystal heart that was gifted to me by a young man in Regina. Compounded by a lack of sleep and disappointment over the realization that a job I had wanted very badly, may not be coming my way after all. Frustration over the uncertainty of what to do next added to my irritability. But following a good night's sleep I am once again feeling grounded. This doesn't change that fact that I still have to get back to work...(or win a lottery) there just isn't any money to continue at this point in time.
But I am reminded that my plans are merely intentions and eventually the Creator will put me where I need to be to fulfill whatever purpose He has for me. So if the job here in Ottawa is not meant to be... then we move forward. Besides finding my faith, I also found my earrings today ;-) Then I went on a walkabout and found a little curio shop which is going out of business. I was taken with a rough soapstone carving of a "mother & child" ...it is unsigned. The owner told me she bought this piece and others over the years from an Inuit gentleman who lives among the Ottawa street population. She says he would disappear from time to time, but always returned after several months, looking for a little drinking money. She tells me he has been gone for a year and a half now... maybe this time the cure took. She also had a little jade arrowhead which she sold me for the change in my pocket, which was considerably less than the asking price. These little art acquisitions have made my day.
Tonight we did crafts and I put together a crude smudging wand... the staff here is overall pretty good. This shelter operates under Harm Reduction protocols so I am sure it can be difficult working here. We lost one of our best people this week... Jessica is still in the industry, she has just moved to a transitional facility with the same agency. Being able to move from one population to another is one of the best ways to combat burnout and retain good staff. Yes I am not only learning about living in shelters but also about staffing them.
Anyway got to go, sorry no pearls of wisdom for today...have a joyous week.

Plan #B

It is actually important to have a plan #B. Too often I have seen people encounter disappointment then, make some really bad decisions in reaction. It has been 2 business days since competition for a job I very much wanted, closed. I am beginning to suspect I will not be given the position. This is sad on many levels...
Do I have the qualification? YES, in triplicate. Am I willing to accept the entry level wage being offered? YES, for me this job is about who I would be working with. The position is temporary...perfect for Angels of the Road, I was only planning to work til spring anyway. The job is part-time... given my standard of living over the past year I can be comfortable with very little income. This position suits me fine and more importantly... I suit this position perfectly. The great disappointment for me will be not having an opportunity to work in this environment ...with this crew of people. They represent the very best the shelter industry has to offer. As did many of the people I worked with at the DI.... some like myself, have moved to other projects and other agencies. I honestly do not know where Angels of the Road will ultimately lead me, I am confident however it will be where the Creator wants me to be. That is of coarse what faith is all about. So I guess that is my plan #B... to trust that if I don't get this job it is because I am supposed to be somewhere else, doing something else this winter.
One's faith no matter the discipline (Christian, Buddhist, Humanist etc etc) should keep you grounded and true to your authentic self... knowing that no matter what unfolds as long as you don't (fold) everything will turn out o.k. in the end. I have met so many people who claim to find Christianity in rehab and/or prison but can't follow 10 little commandments once they hit the streets again. Every religion has a version of the Golden Rule, "Do unto others as you would have others do unto you" Christianity is good but it is not the answer for everyone... find a spiritual truth the echos from your own heart. When you can stand solidly in your relationship with God ,the universe and your fellow man (gender neutral) you will have found the right expression of faith for yourself. Then you will always have a plan #B just have faith (trust).

Bring Back Execution!

Today I read the following quote in the Ottawa Citizen. "It's not a lack of resources. It's not an absence of will. It's a glaring failure of execution." This statement was made regarding Canada's health care system but it holds true for the shelter industry and probably education as well (though I can't speak to that personally). I can tell you as citizens and tax payers, we want to see our tax dollars used effectively. As social workers, we want to see our clients move out of the system and back into healthy, independent (tax paying) lives. As clients living in shelters, we want guidance and support specific to our needs, so we can make the aforementioned move.
Much of what I am saying today will ring familiar, scattered about in previous blogs. They do bear repeating and today they will be brought together in one (I hope) cohesive statement.
The shelter system was born to feed and protect (usually from the elements) street people. It did this well, and still does. Over the past few decades homelessness has changed. Our demographic now includes economic homeless and medicals (for more detail see The Good, The Bad & The Homeless under the Essays and Observations tab. As these new demographics began to appear in the shelter populations, agencies added a variety of supports intended to meet their needs. The shelter industry has been reactive, and most of what we do is trial and error. Grounded in the published results of various attempts at research by 3rd parties... We proceed on the information available trying to make the best use of the resources we have. If we are to increase successful outcomes for our clients, the shelter industry needs to become proactive. In fact as taxpaying citizens we need to be proactive...start pressing government at all levels to create affordable home-ownership initiatives. How by partnerships with Habitat for Humanity... Co-operative housing projects... and/or geared to income mortgages. Governments make BAD landlords, and subsidized housing is usually over priced and under maintained. If you are asking why should I (taxpayers) care about this...take a quick look at the essay "Money Talks" which outlines the economic benefits of affordable housing $1.5 Billion dollars of disposable income pouring back into Canada's economy every month. Increasing business incomes and the returned taxes from those gains. Let's get the poor out of the shelters, so as social workers we can actually help the people who need us.
So how can shelters become proactive... first it involves diversification of facilities. Rapidly assessing each client, then moving them directly into a facility appropriate to their needs. Each facility will have protocols, specific to the needs of that client group. Because such a model would reduce further damage and enhance personal growth out of the current situation, we could anticipate a greater incidence of successful outcomes. We have the resources... we have the will... let's change our execution. Such a change won't make the world a perfect place... but it would become a little better than where we are now.

off the bus

To paraphrase Blanche Dubois..."I have come to rely on the kindness of strangers". Thanks to the good people at the United Church, I was able to cover the rest of the price of a bus ticket to leave Halifax. Now I am in a new situation... in very many ways. Because of the financial crisis, Angels of the Road is taking a sabbatical while I go back to paid employment. Not a minute too soon for my sanity also, I might add. I find that I am suffering from burnout, something which never happened in the 4 years I was at the DI... even during holidays and days off I would often drop by to spend time with my client friends. Now all I want is some peace and quiet. I have been in this shelter a little more then one day and I have started retreating to my room.
I definitely need to step over to the other side of the fence again for a while. I look at this time-out as a good chance for an interim check-up to see if what I have learned has any practical application to my work in the shelter industry. Has this experience made me a better social worker? I'll keep you posted on that LOL.
What is really exciting for me, is that Ottawa is the first time I have been completely open about my location. At every shelter and drop-in I visit, I talk with staff about my previous experiences in the field and on the road; as well as my present intentions to work in Ottawa this winter. Until the cold weather sets in the chances of landing work are slight, so I will probably have to work at McDonald's or Timmy's between now and then. You are probably thinking, "why not try another town?", but really this time of year is slow in our industry everywhere.
What brought me to Ottawa, was a job-posting by a local agency who's director is someone I greatly admire. I won't elaborate just yet, I don't want to jinx it LOL. But after visiting there a few times this week, I can tell you I already like the staff and clients in that place. Hope it works out...keep your fingers crossed.
If you haven't read it yet, we have a comment on the post "All that and Alligators too" which ran in July. Consider it an open question ... all suggestions are welcome ;-)
Anyway must get off the computer so wishing you all a joyous day.