Now that the end of this stay is in sight I am a bit more relaxed and can examine the experience with some objectivity. I'm looking forward to my new location where I am persuing some possible job opportunities. I will settle down there for awhile...get a place and save some money to finance the rest of the trip. Good Lord willin' and the criks don't rise...as my granny used to say. As always my plans are merely intentions...it is up to the universe (God) what will actually happen.
As with all my stops, there are a few people here whom I will miss very much. The first person I met when I arrived at this shelter was Heather. A petite middleaged lady with an indominable spirit, quick wit and much patience for all the foolishness and drama of this place. Her I will definitely miss. Then there is Jessica...a slender redheaded girl with an artist's soul. Something of a flowerchild, I can't help but think she would be happier in the Kootaneys or Vancouver's DTES. Also I will miss the young girls; Madison, Bianca,& Melissa...they are all sweet, fun people. God forbid they should be in this life so long as to become like so many others.
And then there is my new friend Carol, I will miss our talks and time just spent in her company...but thankfully she and I will stay in touch... our time together is not done.
I have met some good people and learned some valuable lessons about homelessness and about myself. But I am still very glad to be moving forward. Everything passes, the bad and the good. So wait out the bad and take whatever lessons the experience may offer and embrace the good and charish the memory when it is gone. Have a joyous day my friends. ttyl
Saturday, August 14, 2010
Tuesday, August 10, 2010
2nd shortest blog in history.
The shortest blog was when I broke my internet stick... but I only have a few minutes so this will be pretty short and sweet too. As you all may know I have launched another "fund raising" campaign. Mini Dream Catchers buy 2 get 1 free and no charge for shipping. Makes a unique stocking stuffer...anyway just wanted to let you know that is going well, 8 more sales and we will have the travel expenses covered. Thx to you who have ordered and if you haven't yet order here.
This journey is all about learning and here I have learned a very valuable lesson. I have learn how easily you can lose your personal integrity... if you are not vigilant at all times. If you are familiar with Maslow's hierarchy of needs you know that moral needs are superseded by spiritual, social, and survival needs in that order. In this place my survival needs are met, but because my social environment is in many ways hostile it has had the effect of eroding my view of who I am. It would be far too easy to treat people the way they treat me (and everyone else). I have to remind myself constantly of the golden rule. As I told my young friend last week, "We have only two purposes in this life,to learn what we can and to teach what we know". We learn by experience and we teach by example. I hope I can always meet the day with honour, humour and humanity and be a good example. I will have to ponder for a while on what I have learned here and how we can use that information to help the system evolve and cause less damage to a person's integrity.
Have a joyous day... and take a minute to be grateful for the experiences that you have and example that you are in your life and your world.
This journey is all about learning and here I have learned a very valuable lesson. I have learn how easily you can lose your personal integrity... if you are not vigilant at all times. If you are familiar with Maslow's hierarchy of needs you know that moral needs are superseded by spiritual, social, and survival needs in that order. In this place my survival needs are met, but because my social environment is in many ways hostile it has had the effect of eroding my view of who I am. It would be far too easy to treat people the way they treat me (and everyone else). I have to remind myself constantly of the golden rule. As I told my young friend last week, "We have only two purposes in this life,to learn what we can and to teach what we know". We learn by experience and we teach by example. I hope I can always meet the day with honour, humour and humanity and be a good example. I will have to ponder for a while on what I have learned here and how we can use that information to help the system evolve and cause less damage to a person's integrity.
Have a joyous day... and take a minute to be grateful for the experiences that you have and example that you are in your life and your world.
Thursday, August 5, 2010
can't see the forest...
This morning I was alone in my room... disobeying one of the many inane, pointless and virtually unenforceable rules we are saddled with at my current shelter. This phenomenon is by no way unique to this location. I couldn't help but think that people who work in these places should spend a week or two living as residents in a similar facility. One cannot work with a particular set of clients closely after living among them. So perhaps such "resident practicums" could be added to the social work curriculum at universities...say in second year; that would allow for a one year interval before having to deal with familiar clients.
The things management imagine to be important are rare, insignificant and to a great extent self-adjusting. Yet things that grind and wear on every one's nerves are allowed to go unchecked. Causing short tempers and conflict among clients.
Someone once said a little knowledge is a dangerous thing...I find myself agreeing. Rules are in place to protect specific groups (mental health clients, or transgendered women) from potential indirect harm. Example we are not allowed to change clothes in our dorms, apparently this could trigger PTSD (post traumatic stress disorder) or just offend the very sensitive among us. The simple courtesy of knocking before entering would spare a sensitive individual from accidentally seeing another person naked. As for PTSD there is no way of knowing what a persons trigger will be until it has been set off. If we had not studied PTSD, or feminist studies on gender bias... maybe we would focus on the more mundane problems of group living. Many issues of abuse, could be averted by basic considerations for others needs, good manners, picking up after oneself, sharing and common civility. These are things we all learned in kindergarten. They are basic and NECESSARY skills for functioning in society. If our clients are ever going to successfully reintegrate we should take every opportunity to remind them of these skills and require their practice.
That's my little rant for today... must off I have lunch duties. Take care and have a joyous day.
The things management imagine to be important are rare, insignificant and to a great extent self-adjusting. Yet things that grind and wear on every one's nerves are allowed to go unchecked. Causing short tempers and conflict among clients.
Someone once said a little knowledge is a dangerous thing...I find myself agreeing. Rules are in place to protect specific groups (mental health clients, or transgendered women) from potential indirect harm. Example we are not allowed to change clothes in our dorms, apparently this could trigger PTSD (post traumatic stress disorder) or just offend the very sensitive among us. The simple courtesy of knocking before entering would spare a sensitive individual from accidentally seeing another person naked. As for PTSD there is no way of knowing what a persons trigger will be until it has been set off. If we had not studied PTSD, or feminist studies on gender bias... maybe we would focus on the more mundane problems of group living. Many issues of abuse, could be averted by basic considerations for others needs, good manners, picking up after oneself, sharing and common civility. These are things we all learned in kindergarten. They are basic and NECESSARY skills for functioning in society. If our clients are ever going to successfully reintegrate we should take every opportunity to remind them of these skills and require their practice.
That's my little rant for today... must off I have lunch duties. Take care and have a joyous day.
Tuesday, August 3, 2010
Tea & Sympathy
When I am on the road (as much as is humanly possible) I avoid fast food chains and patronize local independents. Recently I found a local coffee shop where I can pick-up a free wi-fi signal. The coffee shop doesn't offer wireless, the open signal is coming from a neighbouring brewery, but as yet no one has turfed me off line (touch wood). I have a good idea where I can get my hands on a replacement internet key but I can't proceed with that until I move to my next location. I am less than a week away from leaving here and I will be in the new place for a few months...I hope. That depends on whether or not I find a job there.
I know it is hard to imagine but living homeless is NOT free, basic needs run me about $100 to $150 a month. The panhandler is possibly but not DEFINITELY funding an addiction. In some cities you pay $10 a night for your bed, or $2 -$4 per meal. Some places have limited access to soup kitchens (free meals). The last place I was in had 2 kitchens serving lunch only, you could go to one or the other. Nothing on weekends or holidays. So a homeless person there, gets 5 meals (soup & sandwich) per week. Not having any home mean one has no place to store groceries for an extended period of time, what you buy must be eaten within a day or two. No bulk buying...so even eating from the supermarket is relatively expensive. Then we have universal basics like cigarettes, bus fare, acetaminophen, antacids etc etc. This is what it cost just to be a stationary homeless person. I have the additional costs of travel and electronics. I have gone through my savings and my retirement funds, so now I must save up a little money to fund the rest of the journey.
Like most people, before I began this journey of homelessness, I thought living in a shelter was free and that everything our clients needed was provided. As always these agencies are doing the best they can with what they have to work with. But if I had to rely on donated clothes, (given my size) I would be running around naked... and that is something NOBODY wants to see. LOL. Fortunately, I can scrape together a few dollars to visit the thrift store as require. So if you see a plus sized lady panhandling...for all of our sakes toss her a loonie.
This discussion is in fact the A.D.D. run-off of my visit to this particular coffee house. A cup of coffe here is $1.90 with one refill...that is is pretty standard in this part of the country. Last week they had an apple pie on display so I ordered a slice to go with my coffee...OVER $8 with taxes holy crap...clearly I can't afford to eat anything at this place. The pie was good but not $8 worth of good. Anyway this morning I had my coffee at the drop-in so I ordered tea... almost $4.... guess coffee has become my beverage of choice LOL. Anyway rumour has it the library will issue free access once a week or so to their internet...so I should still be able to keep in touch one day a week.
Amazing news...the website is averaging over 20 hits (new visitors) per day. Last year we were lucky to see 5 hits in a day. It is nice to know so many people are interested in learning about homelessness...or are just curious about what that crazy lady is doing this week LOL. Have a joyous day and I'll talk to you all again soon.
I know it is hard to imagine but living homeless is NOT free, basic needs run me about $100 to $150 a month. The panhandler is possibly but not DEFINITELY funding an addiction. In some cities you pay $10 a night for your bed, or $2 -$4 per meal. Some places have limited access to soup kitchens (free meals). The last place I was in had 2 kitchens serving lunch only, you could go to one or the other. Nothing on weekends or holidays. So a homeless person there, gets 5 meals (soup & sandwich) per week. Not having any home mean one has no place to store groceries for an extended period of time, what you buy must be eaten within a day or two. No bulk buying...so even eating from the supermarket is relatively expensive. Then we have universal basics like cigarettes, bus fare, acetaminophen, antacids etc etc. This is what it cost just to be a stationary homeless person. I have the additional costs of travel and electronics. I have gone through my savings and my retirement funds, so now I must save up a little money to fund the rest of the journey.
Like most people, before I began this journey of homelessness, I thought living in a shelter was free and that everything our clients needed was provided. As always these agencies are doing the best they can with what they have to work with. But if I had to rely on donated clothes, (given my size) I would be running around naked... and that is something NOBODY wants to see. LOL. Fortunately, I can scrape together a few dollars to visit the thrift store as require. So if you see a plus sized lady panhandling...for all of our sakes toss her a loonie.
This discussion is in fact the A.D.D. run-off of my visit to this particular coffee house. A cup of coffe here is $1.90 with one refill...that is is pretty standard in this part of the country. Last week they had an apple pie on display so I ordered a slice to go with my coffee...OVER $8 with taxes holy crap...clearly I can't afford to eat anything at this place. The pie was good but not $8 worth of good. Anyway this morning I had my coffee at the drop-in so I ordered tea... almost $4.... guess coffee has become my beverage of choice LOL. Anyway rumour has it the library will issue free access once a week or so to their internet...so I should still be able to keep in touch one day a week.
Amazing news...the website is averaging over 20 hits (new visitors) per day. Last year we were lucky to see 5 hits in a day. It is nice to know so many people are interested in learning about homelessness...or are just curious about what that crazy lady is doing this week LOL. Have a joyous day and I'll talk to you all again soon.
Thursday, July 29, 2010
Sad Day
Very sad... my computer internet stick gasped its last this morning....I'll keep you posted asap Love to all
Bonny
Bonny
Saturday, July 24, 2010
Good Money After Bad
Saturday seems to be my day for blogging… so this week let's step out of the personal and back into the practical. I mentioned before about how my friends sometimes bring up things that I had not considered prior. One of those things is the matter of funding for shelters. As I have said before, I do NOT want to see funding to shelters increased… I want to see shelter populations decreased.
Now for the bitter truth, even if I waved a magic wand and the homeless completely disappeared, your taxes would NOT be reduced. The government would just find someplace else to spend it and I’m not going to hold my breath waiting for it to show up in health, welfare or education. But enough of my political cynicism. All I really want to see is more effective use of the money we are already spending. This is not a problem unique to the shelter system, so much of what we are doing in health, welfare, and education is reactive. We need to establish systems which reward results. Often clients have said to me that we don’t give them the right support and tools to get out of the shelter system, because, if there were no homeless, we would be out of a job. My response was, “Untrue… even if one client were to leave permanently there will always be some new troubled soul to take his/her place". I am starting to feel differently about that, maybe there is a grain of truth, at least at the agency level, I still believe individual workers care about client outcomes.
The province pays my current residence $95 per day per person for those who qualify and those who do not qualify stay in another harm reduction centre for a flat fee per head. Head count is the way most shelters are subsidized….in Sask it is $65 for a matt or bed + breakfast. Here 2 meals + bed $95…. Alberta under $30 per person matt/bed and meals are funded elsewhere. These shelters function under a “Harm Reduction Model so no services are offered and clients are not approached individually with options for self improvement or recovery.Wholistic shelters like the DI have many services on site but clients must seek out what they need. Where I am staying there isn’t even an attempt to demand basic civility from clients. This leaves them totally unequipped with the skills necessary to co-exist in society, much less land and keep either a job or an apartment.
If we altered the funding model so agencies were rewarded for successful outcomes perhaps we would see more helping and less wrangling of homeless people. I would propose that an agency be given a flat rate per day for each bed (50 square feet of dorm space). Providing meals and a cook would be funded separately by the number of beds per building. If they are successful in moving clients out and getting the population numbers down… the reward is more working capital in the budget. Money which could be used to purchase needed equipment, bring in tutors, and provide various upgrading initiatives. Funding would be stable and there would be incentive to give some REAL help to shelter clients.
Next time I’ll talk about affordable housing apparently there is much confusion about what this means and the costs to our society. As always I would love to hear your comments so feel free to share your thoughts with us. Anyway must go for now …have a joyous week.
Now for the bitter truth, even if I waved a magic wand and the homeless completely disappeared, your taxes would NOT be reduced. The government would just find someplace else to spend it and I’m not going to hold my breath waiting for it to show up in health, welfare or education. But enough of my political cynicism. All I really want to see is more effective use of the money we are already spending. This is not a problem unique to the shelter system, so much of what we are doing in health, welfare, and education is reactive. We need to establish systems which reward results. Often clients have said to me that we don’t give them the right support and tools to get out of the shelter system, because, if there were no homeless, we would be out of a job. My response was, “Untrue… even if one client were to leave permanently there will always be some new troubled soul to take his/her place". I am starting to feel differently about that, maybe there is a grain of truth, at least at the agency level, I still believe individual workers care about client outcomes.
The province pays my current residence $95 per day per person for those who qualify and those who do not qualify stay in another harm reduction centre for a flat fee per head. Head count is the way most shelters are subsidized….in Sask it is $65 for a matt or bed + breakfast. Here 2 meals + bed $95…. Alberta under $30 per person matt/bed and meals are funded elsewhere. These shelters function under a “Harm Reduction Model so no services are offered and clients are not approached individually with options for self improvement or recovery.Wholistic shelters like the DI have many services on site but clients must seek out what they need. Where I am staying there isn’t even an attempt to demand basic civility from clients. This leaves them totally unequipped with the skills necessary to co-exist in society, much less land and keep either a job or an apartment.
If we altered the funding model so agencies were rewarded for successful outcomes perhaps we would see more helping and less wrangling of homeless people. I would propose that an agency be given a flat rate per day for each bed (50 square feet of dorm space). Providing meals and a cook would be funded separately by the number of beds per building. If they are successful in moving clients out and getting the population numbers down… the reward is more working capital in the budget. Money which could be used to purchase needed equipment, bring in tutors, and provide various upgrading initiatives. Funding would be stable and there would be incentive to give some REAL help to shelter clients.
Next time I’ll talk about affordable housing apparently there is much confusion about what this means and the costs to our society. As always I would love to hear your comments so feel free to share your thoughts with us. Anyway must go for now …have a joyous week.
Saturday, July 17, 2010
Mime in an invisible box.
WOW… for the first time I understand the frustration so many of our clients feel when they become homeless. I am in a shelter with the highest percentage of purely NASTY people I have ever met. The staff is great and generally displays the same profile mix as most of the other places I have visited. The shelter is small under 20clients… probably more than 1/3 displaying BPD (borderline personality disorder) traits. These women are self- absorbed, arrogant, angry, loud (constant screaming, name calling and swearing),confrontational bullies. This phenomenon deserves a study of its own… and I am not the person to do it. Apparently, this is the best place (homeless shelter) to stay in this city… so I am trapped in that regard.
We are required by house rules to remain silent and not engage in verbal altercations. Those of you who have known me, know that I do not seek out confrontation, yet twice in the past week I was forced into conflict to defend people who could not defend themselves from these shrews. This resulted in a minor reprimand from staff, given the obvious provocation I was not evicted. However I am very annoyed with myself for not finding another option.
Another frustration is that any kind of move requires funds which I do not have at this moment. I spend long hours looking for a job…. unlike Calgary, even the low paying jobs in this part of the country are scarce. Because of bureaucratic issues regarding residency at this shelter I can’t just pop over to another province to see how it goes there.
I hope that by living this experience I will be able to develop some coping skills, which I will one day be able to share with my clients. I don’t think being trapped is a feeling exclusive to the homeless; some people get trapped by good paying jobs, mortgages, or lifestyles which need to be supported. The great joy of having little is it requires a minimum of sacrifice to change your life in whatever direction you want to try next. It is those with much and those with nothing who get TRAPPED in their lives. This is the first time, both in my life and on this journey that I have felt truly trapped… and I hope to turn it into a growth experience. Anyway I’ll let you all know how that turns out. Have a joyous day.
P.S. still got the old internet stick picking up a signal… now it comes out of the USB port in two pieces lol.
We are required by house rules to remain silent and not engage in verbal altercations. Those of you who have known me, know that I do not seek out confrontation, yet twice in the past week I was forced into conflict to defend people who could not defend themselves from these shrews. This resulted in a minor reprimand from staff, given the obvious provocation I was not evicted. However I am very annoyed with myself for not finding another option.
Another frustration is that any kind of move requires funds which I do not have at this moment. I spend long hours looking for a job…. unlike Calgary, even the low paying jobs in this part of the country are scarce. Because of bureaucratic issues regarding residency at this shelter I can’t just pop over to another province to see how it goes there.
I hope that by living this experience I will be able to develop some coping skills, which I will one day be able to share with my clients. I don’t think being trapped is a feeling exclusive to the homeless; some people get trapped by good paying jobs, mortgages, or lifestyles which need to be supported. The great joy of having little is it requires a minimum of sacrifice to change your life in whatever direction you want to try next. It is those with much and those with nothing who get TRAPPED in their lives. This is the first time, both in my life and on this journey that I have felt truly trapped… and I hope to turn it into a growth experience. Anyway I’ll let you all know how that turns out. Have a joyous day.
P.S. still got the old internet stick picking up a signal… now it comes out of the USB port in two pieces lol.
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