Hit me, hurt me, love me

July 12, 2009
There was a disturbing (to me) incident which I will share with you all today. It involves a young couple who were in front of me in line for brunch at the mission. He's is about 6' she is around 5'4" both early to mid twenties. He is hitting her, grabbing her face roughly between his fingers, twisting her arms, pulling her hair and holding her down when she asks to get up. This is all taking place in the spirit of affectionate horseplay. As I watch this all I am thinking is, "I don't want to be around those two, if that boy gets drunk or angry".
Partner violence is an insidious thing, it never starts with a punch. Males and females can both become victims. If your new partner starts trying to separate you from your friends and family, by accusing them of not liking him/her. If they make you feel guilty about spending time with others, that is a warning sign not to be ignored. Trying to control what you wear, when and where you go or how you do things...warning sign number 2. Embarrassing you in public so you will prefer not to go out. Berating you,...If he calls you a stupid slut, HE DOESN'T LOVE YOU!!!! And the subtle introduction of violence into otherwise innocuous interactions, such as I witnessed today. All indicators of a troubled person whom you should probably distance yourself from. RUN don't walk.
I wish I could teach every young person to love themselves, first and best. Treat everyone with respect and kindness...demand nothing less for yourself from others...especially from the one person who is supposed to love you. I often hear woman in abusive relationships say "...but I love him". My response is if you really love him don't let him go on thinking violence is an acceptable way to handle his feelings. One day he could kill someone or at the very least do jail time for assault. This is equally true for men in abusive relationships...you can't stop the violence but you can stop it from happening to you. Tell your partner to get help or leave. Battered women's support groups excuse staying in these relationships by saying that 50% of women murdered by abusive partners were murdered after attempting to leave the relationship. That of coarse means that the other 50% stayed...endured continuing abuse for possibly decades and ended up dead anyway. I'm not seeing a downside to the exit plan. This is not particularly a homelessness issue... It happens in the nicest neighbourhoods too, as movies of the week will attest. But the issue is front, in my mind so that is my rant for today TTFN