This morning I woke-up in a bit of a funk...told my twitter people I was needing a sign from God. My daughter cited a number of biblical signs that would certainly have done the trick LOL, Unfortunately God doesn't shout he whispers and we really have to be listening. In my current state of mind I'm not so sure I would hear. For the regular readers of my blogs, you know this has been a particularly difficult week on a personal level, something of an emotional roller-coaster. My kids have been great, putting up with all my whining. I am very lucky to have a supportive family.
The whole trip I have had to face intermittent waves of depression. There is (understandably) a very high level of negative energy within this population. It might surprise you to find out, this hopelessness and frustration does not come from the street people. Hardcore addicts are only focused on their next hit/fix, and recovering addicts are grateful to have come as far as they have, while focusing on moving forward. The drop-outs long ago lost any expectations of society or others.
The negativity comes from the homeless... people who sort of fit in... occasionally housed, often working and always struggling. Some are elderly with what amounts to a subsistency pension, some have health issues, age issues, mental health issues, educational issues, opportunity issues etc. All compromised from success in any traditional sense. Feeling judged, dissatisfied and angry with themselves and the system that they feel has failed them.
It doesn't help that we live in a world where money=success=happiness. And every where we look some new book/guru is telling us that we only have to think it to make it so. Like the faith healer who can only fail to heal you because you lacked the necessary faith. So if one is not successful/wealthy it is because you don't want it badly enough... you are not trying hard enough...YOU ARE A FAILURE.
There is a book which Oprah featured called "Do What You Love, The Money Will Follow". I always laughed at that, because what I loved was helping the homeless and they don't have any money. Maybe for some of us laughter=hugs=joy is really the best equation for success. Funny the more successful I am the less money I have... I'm not saying that is a good thing, it is month's end bills are unpaid and yes, I (like you) am stressing about that. Money is neither bad nor good it is simply a tool... to some extent necessary to sustain existence. Perhaps the day will come soon when what we ARE will be more important than what we HAVE. A day when each of us can measure our success by the laughter we bring to those around us, the hugs we share with those who need us and the joy we bring to the world by just being a part of it.